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Scars Of Past Mistakes

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Doubt
Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 66
Thu Feb 02, 2006 4:10 am
Doubt says... · Thu Feb 02, 2006 4:10 am
Red ringed neck, scars of past mistakes
The blades mark drips
Barbed-wire chokehold on your breath

Pink stained red permanently
An incomplete circle of regret
Let it drip, cleanse the pain

Smooth plains marked by a sea of hurt
Swim blade, swim
Mountains of either side preventing the intrusion of health
Red sea, way ahead of me

So beautiful still --
Tainted but lovable, wet and warm
In the curse of a unattractive stream
I find my refuge and cleanse myself

Dryad of pain
Cuz I'm praying for rain and I'm praying for tidal waves.
I wanna see the ground give way. I wanna watch it all go down.
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User avatar
xanthan gum
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 688
Fri Feb 03, 2006 2:26 am
xanthan gum says... · Fri Feb 03, 2006 2:26 am
i really liked:

Swim blade, swim

Barbed-wire chokehold on your breath

Dryad of pain


THE only thing i didn't like:

Mountains of either side preventing the intrusion of health


that line...it is too long.
otherwise, beautiful.
fabulous, perfect - you got your meaning across in a world of imagery.
Carpe Diem.
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2 posts


Russets and tangerine shades of old gold flushing the very outside edge of the senses ... deep shining ochres, burnt umber and parchments of baked earth—reflecting on itself and through itself, filtering the light.
— Guildenstern (Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead by Tom Stoppard)