Home Games All LiteraryClubs Events Forums Green Room Poetry Prose Roleplays

Untitled

mystical*dragons · 2005-10-12T18:42:03Z

Tears swimming in my eyes, I stare at you, searching deep within your eyes. But your eyes are blank, completely emotionless. I look down at the ring on my finger, its sparkling demeanor taunting me. It’s reminding me of ‘us’, the ‘us’ that no longer exists. I can hear music, drums mimicking the slow, heavy beating of my heart. Can you hear the music? Are you even aware of who am I? Or are you so lost in visions of her, that you no longer understand what we had? Questions. So many questions. I need so many answers. But it’s too late now. You’ve gone too far away from me, even though you’re standing so near me, so near, I can feel your breath on my face. Jerking a bit, I take a step away from you; I no longer have the right to stand so close to you. That right belongs to her. The woman you’ve fallen in love with. Molten gold, azure blue and rose petals. That’s her, breathtakingly beautiful. A tear slips down my face. Once more I look down at the ring on my hand. It’s laughing at me now, glinting evilly in the glare of the sun. Slowly, I slip it off my finger, clutching onto it for a moment. Giving it back to you is like going back in reverse. Nevertheless, I spread out my palm and beckon you to take the ring. You look at it for a moment, and for a split second my heart soars high into the air with hope that you might put it back on my finger. Your hand reaches out, just barely scraping my palm and takes the ring. You walk away. A million moments flash across my mind, your smile, our first date, walking on the beach, our first fight, the night you proposed. Where did we go wrong? The drums are beating louder now, I can’t breathe. I have to stop you, I can’t let you go. Frantically I run after you, but before I can stop you, I see you with her. You’re running a hand through her golden hair, and I touch my own, wondering what’s wrong with it. Isn’t it soft enough, or as silky as hers? I slowly turn around, there’s nothing I can do to stop you. I walk away. Every step takes me farther from you. As if you care. People are staring at me. I know what they’re looking at, my tear-streaked face, somewhat bewildered. I can see the pity in their eyes, and I hate it. I start running, away from the people, away from the pity. Finally I reach my car. Sitting in my car, my head on the steering wheel, I cry my heart out. There are several swear words, swirling around in my mind, namely dedicated to you and that blonde. I pound my fist on the steering wheel continuously, the dull sound satisfying me. Thud, thud, thud. I am so pissed, I could kill you. Yeah I could. On second thought, maybe I should kill her. It’s her fault that you’re not with me anymore. It’s her fault that I won’t get to wear that wedding dress I spent countless days searching for, it’s her fault I won’t walk down the aisle with you. I’m going crazy, shaking my head. What am I thinking? Starting the car, I head off towards home. A million thoughts are crammed into my head, causing a pounding headache. I can’t see clearly, I rub my eyes, trying to clear my vision. Nevertheless, I keep on driving, barely missing cars. Reaching home, I can’t help but laugh; it’s a wonder why I didn’t get a ticket for rash driving. My laughter is broken, when thoughts of you come back to life. I can hear the drums again, getting louder and louder, pounding against the walls of my mind. Stop, I whisper, stop. Lying on the bed, in my room, I stare up at the ceiling, looking at the glowing plastic stars. You helped me stick them on. We got a ladder; your job was to stick the stars on the ceiling, mine to hand them to you. Later, at night, we lay on the bed looking at the stars, glowing green, feeling like kids. You were my night, diamonds scattered against black velvet. You were my day, golden rays glimmering upon me. You made so many promises, building a pyramid of hope, carefully placing one promise on top of another. I didn’t know that your promises were as light as autumn leaves (scarlet and gold, but lifeless) blown easily away by the wind, taking along with it our dreams as well (or were they only my dreams?). My throat is aching with unshed tears. I take a deep shuddering breath, and the tears start flowing. Why damn it, why? Why did you have to break up? I don’t have the answers, and maybe I shouldn’t care. But I do. I cry harder, eventually falling asleep on the wet pillow.