I think that the last line of hte second stanza sounds odd... like there are too many things in it. Maybe something like "Surrounds and shrouds"? I don't know. And in the following stanza, "For to avoid" doesn't make much sense in context.
In your note at the end, did you mean "sum of this" as the ending? If this is the case, the only thing I could think of would be to add an ellipsis to the last line or the second to last line to add some mystic quality to it.
Those are just nit picky things, of course. Other than those, I think it is a lovely image.
