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Last edited by darkdove on Tue Feb 26, 2008 4:56 pm, edited 1 time in total.




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Hey!

It looks like you're sortofish new to YWS, so welcome to it! Before anyone critiques your story, I'd suggest you use some punctuation and make this a lot longer. This doesn't count as a story (it's only a paragraph), and before I continue, I'd like to see a bit longer version. I'd be happy to give it a proper critique then. :)

Hint: dialogue is useful, along with capitalizing the beginning of your sentences. ;)

Wiggy ;)
"I will have to tell you, you have bewitched me body and soul..." --Mr. Darcy, P & P, 2005 movie
"You pierce my soul." --Cpt. Frederick Wentworth

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Why should Caesar just get to stomp around like a giant while the rest of us try not to get smushed under his big feet? Brutus is just as cute as Caesar, right? Brutus is just as smart as Caesar, people totally like Brutus just as much as they like Caesar, and when did it become okay for one person to be the boss of everybody because that's not what Rome is about! We should totally just stab Caesar!
— Gretchen Wieners