Review Day Starts in 1 day Info

running along the train-tracks (mature language)

3 posts
User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 16
Today is a day for yesterday's music and beat;
for tasting my own lips where my heart pounded after you kissed them,

back when you kissed them.

It's a train-track feeling; remembering with a mechanical rhythm
prompted by a hopeful necessity in my eyes,

back when you fucked me, rhythmically.

Everything was in rhythm and machines; the systematic growth and disregard
of skin cells near the drain in my bathtub,

back when you stroked my hand as we rode the train home.

We listened and raced to each other's hearts, as I run alone to this song;
I know the words more than I can remember yours,

back when our bodies moved in tandem.




User avatar
Gender Male
Points 890
Reviews 148
This was actually really, good. I say "actually," because I'm sure that someone's going to be totally phased by line six.

But, that line may actually be a little too ... um ... I don't know, modern? Non-poetic? But, whatever, it's all about the style you choose.

But, this was pretty good! I'm looking forward to more.




User avatar
Gender Female
Points 890
Reviews 321
Nah, I like a bit of spunk in a poem.
This had a nice tone. Good work.
purple sneakers



What really knocks me out is a book that, when you're all done reading it, you wish the author that wrote it was a terrific friend of yours and you could call him up on the phone whenever you felt like it. That doesn't happen much, though.
— J.D. Salinger, The Catcher in the Rye