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Sureal
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Wed Dec 17, 2008 5:08 am
Sureal says... · Wed Dec 17, 2008 5:08 am
Removed.
Last edited by Sureal on Thu Dec 18, 2008 1:32 pm, edited 1 time in total.
I wrote the above just for you.
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Jiggity
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Wed Dec 17, 2008 5:38 am
Jiggity says... · Wed Dec 17, 2008 5:38 am
Lol, these are short enough to be merged together, you know. Some of them, anyway.

This is how she looked as I opened the door [s]to her[/s]:


‘You don’t sound at all distressed [s]about the whole affair[/s], though.’


you going to justify the slightly more elaborate-than necessary tone? I would change 'at all' to 'real' - You dont sound real distressed, though.'

Simplify. A little more realism, which you nail more than anything else truly. And the dialogue, for the most part, is rocking.

She brush a strand of blonde her from her eyes


brushed

[7.] I know what you’re probably think


thinking

**

Again, great little piece. Are you trying to race me by the way? :P

Can't post faster than I can review, mon freund. XD

Cheers
Mah name is jiggleh. And I like to jiggle.

"Indecision and terror, thy name is novel." - Chiko
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Sureal
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Wed Dec 17, 2008 5:44 am
Sureal says... · Wed Dec 17, 2008 5:44 am
Haha, thanks again. ^_^ The thing about the length: this the just the way the story is split up, so I'm posting each section as I finish it. :P Anyway, only one more...
I wrote the above just for you.
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3 posts


Owning our story can be hard but not nearly as difficult as spending our lives running from it. Embracing our vulnerabilities is risky but not nearly as dangerous as giving up on love and belonging and joy—the experiences that make us the most vulnerable. Only when we are brave enough to explore the darkness will we discover the infinite power of our light.
— Brené Brown