I like it, its cute. Your writing is very detailed-maybe a little too detailed. It can get teadious to read when you put all those lond descriptions in. Try shortening it up a bit. Otherwise, its very good. I don't really like the ending though, its not really a proper ending to a chapter. Analyze a bit more. Good work.
My only real pointer is that from the detailed description I assumed that people were being hit my lightening and killed, and having their skull smashed in by the rain. No jokes from me, I'm poker face. I agree with CaseySaz, it gets a little lost in the description.
"As for me, all I know is that I know nothing" -Socrates
When your heart gets pierced with arrows, don't rip them out and pierce those around you in retribution for your hurt. You'll only unnecessarily wound others and bleed to death yourself. — LadyMysterio
