I really liked this. The way it was written mimicked the scared thoughts in Luke's brain, and the fragmentation just supported the scene you were trying to portray. For a "free-write" this is pretty damn good.
Except there are no muskets!
Nate wrote:And if YWS ever does become a company, Jack will be the President of European Operations. In fact, I'm just going to call him that anyways.
The day, which was one of the first of spring, cheered even me by the loveliness of its sunshine and the balminess of the air. I felt emotions of gentleness and pleasure, that had long appeared dead, revive within me. Half surprised by the novelty of these sensations, I allowed myself to be borne away by them, and forgetting my solitude and deformity, dared to be happy. — Mary Shelley, Frankenstein