Still life (fraying with blades)

edited

Hi there! I really like this poem - you have a very pleasing tone, and it is wonderful to read. Just one or two things though: you begin by describing the surroundings and what is going on as if it is a third person piece, but then you are suddenly talking to someone, and we find out that you are not just the narrator like I first thought, but someone actually in the scene. This isn't too bad, it's just that when we get to this line: "the clock is reminding you like horror's tocsin–", I stopped and thought "wait, reminding me? Who am I?" And then when I got to "oh please come back to us. to me" I stopped again and thought "wait, who are you?" I hope that makes sense! Perhaps you could introduce yourself and who you are talking to a little earlier. Apart from that, the description is really good, and like I said, I love your tone. Hope that helps!

Hello, I'm Kaila. I don't really have much experience on poetry, but I think this is very beautiful. I really like your wording, and the tone it sets. I agree with Matt, it was a little confusing who you were, and who the reader is in the situation, but overall, I really enjoyed reading it. Great Job.

Thanks for your reviews! Sorry about the confusion. Yeah, I was having trouble deciding where to put the poem, since it describes (my) feelings and tells a story at the same time. Maybe I should try to put it in Other Poetry. Perhaps if I clue the reader in earlier it also might solve a few problems.

Thanks again!

–antimelrose