Bickazer

Here's the rest of the review~! Sorry for truncating it so abruptly, but my mom was screaming . It was not pleasant in the least. Anyway... Leland laughed. Popped the ...

Well - the one major thing I noticed in this chapter (besides its awesomeness) was that Orson's speaking style seems to have veered towards colloquial. He was always very honest ...

Here's the rest of Chapter One-- “Yeah? Like what?” he said. “Like…like the ring’s importance. Or, as you just said, the Zenith unit’s deactivation…” said Corseley, frowning at Orson.

This takes place in the early 1800s. Oh, sorry, I didn't mean the date (I notice you have the date before the story), just...generally... where the story takes place. England? ...

Ye-es, that's much better--much more emotional and informative (I still, however, am in the dark about where this takes place). I love your description; it's very vivid and your imagery ...

And by soon, I mean now. This is awful, double posting, but...>_> Here it goes, part two of chapter one: ----------------------- “Really, now.” Corseley sounded skeptical, and it wasn’t hard ...

Hahahaha - does "BHM" stand for Big High Master? Or am I waaay off? :P Sorry, I couldn't help it - just when I saw BHM I immediately thought of ...

Thanks for the critique! I'm really glad you pick through it line by line--it's just more thorough and definitely (ergh...adverbs...) helps me improve my prose better than general comments do. ...

I definitely like these two new characters as well, both are very likable. I like how well their opposite-ish personalities bounce off each other, they were really believable as individual ...

Here's the rest of the story. Again, I apologize for length issues, but I feel chopping this story up into too many increments breaks up the flow in a detrimental ...

There's an unwritten YWS etiquette that stories should only be posted in increments of two thousand words or so. In the future, I suggest you stick to that rule. This ...

Thanks so much for the critique! :D I have no idea why, but for some reason while I was reading through your critique I just started...giggling insanely. I have no ...

Thanks for the suggestions, but the problem here is that "Castle" is a kind of a brand name in this story, like Lamborghini or VAIO or it really wouldn't be ...

No no, I didn't mean the review as an incovenience, I meant me breaking off midway... Well, I'm back from shopping (for parents are hosting a party tomorrow and they've ...

You already said you are trying to cut down on your wordiness. I have the same problem. Here's an example for you of how I would edit a sentience to ...