BigBadBear

Oh wow! This is...freaking awesome! Kim, you've done it again. I see that sometimes you break sentences up like this: " and then gently closed the bedroom door behind him. ...

Ha! That last part was funny. Though, I didn't see a point to the whole thing, or maybe that was what you had intended? Anyway, I liked how you dove ...

Awww. this is awesome! I didn't notice any errors! I am very proud of you, Kim. Your story is freaking awesome! The only thing I wonder is why Set it ...

Hm.. I like it.. there are only a few errors: Exclaimed Don't capitalize! in the infinants eyes infinants = infants boys father This should be boy's father. "Shh, hold on ...

Hey! Well, I'm here to critique and to read your story cuz it's freaking awesome! Well, here I go! The man didn’t come back instead the boy who had taken ...

Hey! Great job again! The only thing that I feel that this story is missing is emotions. Elizabeth is just kinda.. blah... If you had just been kidnapped, what would ...

Whoa! What the heck is happening? Anyway, I noticed only one thing You said, "mom, dad?" You should put it "Mom? Dad?" Make sure you capitalize Mom and Dad because ...

Wowo.. again.. amazing! you've got me hooked! The only thing that I would sugesst you do is read aloud your entire story, and really focus on your diolouge. Make corrections ...

Oh no! The vampire is in the house! Lol. Wonderful! The suspense it totally building. I love David more than any of the other charactors. Gosh.. what can I say? ...

Wow! That is excellent! I loved it. You have really fixed everything. I couldn't even find anything with my careful eye. Great job! I really love you charactors now. David ...

Ok, I haven't read it all but if I don't say it now, I'm not gonna remember: You kind of babble on in the first paragraph. Not to be rude ...

Hey! I was kind of bored at first, but when the vampires started to talk.. that was interesting. I am glad that I read this. I can tell that this ...

Hey! I really liked this. You did a great job. The only thing that kind of bothered me is that you didn't put in is what you do in that ...

Hm... very interesting. There are just some minor things that you need to change: 1. Stop acting like a baby. You're fourteen for heavens sake!" Great way of showing Ellie's ...

Hey! Woah! That was cool! Your chapter was kinda short compared to #1, but oh well. Yeah, she did seem to change her age.. well. you knwo what I'm talking ...