Deifyance

What I mean is getting more gritty in the speech when a more gritty person is talking. It's a great tool to help portray a character. By the way everyone ...

This is incredibly rude and inappropriate.

That was amazing! Thanks so much for the review. I regret posting this so soon, as it was a rough draft. I'm currently rewriting the entire story to add more ...

Thank you for the review! Grammar isn't my strong suit, as I normally have other people proofread for me. (Even with several English courses taken, mind you.) Take a look ...

I can't believe I did that... I left it in draft mode, thinking I had published it. Took me 2 months to figure it out. *facepalm*

I have to say that I crave to read this off of a page more, if you know what I mean. ;) I don't know... I feel as though I'm ...

Thank you for the review! I actually laughed out loud when you mentioned the daddies part! More to come!

Thanks for the help!

But I liked Thomas! He added some contrast to the scene! Whilst everyone in the room was brave, and a warrior; Thomas being there added some balance to the room, ...

I agree. I was thinking of just adding a few paragraphs to the beginning.

This is a great foundation! I think that the writing is very mature for your listed age! Don't let anyone ever tell you to stop writing! I'll start with the ...

Haha. very nice. Im starting to really like this. So your giving Corey the personality of a guy whom isn't afraid of a challenge. Just make sure to keep that. ...

awesome script once again. your setting up a plot and giving information about the whole story in a wonderful manner. awesome work. happy scripting! -deify

I don't agree with Kiss on this one....I believe that since this guy is to lonely and actually has a imaginary friend, that this is just another pleasant surprise to ...

Very nice, just make sure to start a new paragraph every 5 to 6 sentences.