Dreamworx95

Whoa, that is really cool. You did this with pencil? Wow. I like the first one the best. I have a question about the Whipple Van Buren. It seems like ...

You didn't tell me you posted another one! *tsk tsk* Whatever. So this is really weird. How did he wake up in his aparment again if he blacked out in ...

where I thwack my head against the trunk "Thwack" is onomonopoeia. Instead, you could say, "I whack my head..." turns in mid-stride, turns to face me, empty red glare making ...

Really nice. I liked the suspense, though I don't feel you really captured Bella and Edward's characters. It's not a big deal, the only person who can really do that ...

to burn my jacket right of my arms Of should be off. I suppose I was in something of a stupid place Something should be somewhat. I would probably be ...

#1: Yes, definitley makes want to read more. #2: I think it's good enough. #3:Not at all. It's only too wordy if the words are boring. This was very interesting. ...

Nice. A very intriguing read. I turned to every direction I could think of, Try changing to to in. cracked ground stretch off in to the horizon where the late ...

My favorites: #2: Good focus on the cat. Nothing draws attention away from it. #3: Great contrast between the sky and the trees. There's a lot of extra space that ...

Aww, that's adorable. I love sea horses! Nice use of color, they really go well together and complement each other. I also like how it looks kind of pixelated, giving ...

I haven't read this yet, so I want to give you some advice. No offense, but your story looks like a giant block of text, which tends to drive readers ...

It wasn’t any comfier. Phrased incorrectly. Should be: It wasn't any more comfortable. She heard footsteps from outside and turned to see the huge glass window that let her look ...

and my arm round his head, My arm around his head. I heard Jim deep voice scream Did you mean: I heard Jim scream in his deep voice? Makes more ...

Thanks to Livingingfantasy and Clo for the reviews. Editing and any other form of advice welcome! Inspirational Song: Carefree by The Refreshments Chapter 7: Suprise! I did just as Alejandro ...

a cold, hard dirt floor. Comma after hard. It was only then he remembered the events of last night. You should put a that after then . was very likely ...

Holly, shut up….I can’t breathe!” You forgot the quotation marks in the beginning here. with the biggest feet I’ve ever seen. Lol. I'm sorry but I couldn't help but think ...