ElementalBlood

Whoa o.O Good premise but your delivery should be better. Editing is needed! You repeat yourself a lot without any apparent reason. When I finished reading, all I could think ...

The question remains...who is "Lizzie?" Is that Keaira's mother? Or a nickname for Keaira herself? Or did you have a brain fart like all people? :3 I'm actually pretty interested ...

Later on, "Alister's" name was changed to "Akira." For the sake of sanity, we will be leaving it as "Alister."

This is from a role play group I've been in for more than a year. I've been collecting everyone's posts with their permission. Some minor changes have been made to ...

I definitely love the idea for this. Now, I'm not very picky about grammar so I won't delve to deeply into that. I really only have a comment about repetitive ...

This is all my friends have talked about all day so I had to check this out. You've gotten a new fan! But really, if you're just doing this for ...

Oh my god. I love this! The grammar, punctuation, capitalization and all of that need work but you've got such a good idea going that it will be read and ...

Chapter 2 Not much happened after I got off the phone with Dan. It had taken me several minutes to get myself back together before I wandered back into the ...

I have to say that Kara's right. It's way too short to really be a separate post and the action is jerky and seems unimportant even though something that should ...

I loved the opening. Very attention-grabbing. Since all the issues I noticed have already been covered in other reviews I can't say much else. The only thing I can't hammer ...

Before anyone reads this, I would like to mention that Katrina swears...a lot. I considered trying to change that for a while but her swearing is just the way she ...

I loved the opening! It pulls you directly into the story. I won't bother going over the grammar issues but one point that bugged me half to death was when ...

I only used italics because it takes place a while before the actual story begins. As for the "prologue" part of it, i was struggling with what to call it ...

I ended up reading this. It flows well and its ending of it prompted a smile. The situation is so normal that the reader can relate easily to Carmen. With ...

Though I've noticed several other reviewers making comments about the first line, I quite like it. I don't know whether it was on purpose or not but it seems to ...