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Emerson

Womp

  • Poetry » Narrative, General Re: jelosy is not a game

    You know I have to say I liked it, but I think the only thing that saved it was the rhyme scheme. It's theme is cliché, although only slightly, and ...

    Jul 24, 2007
  • Short Story » General, General Re: Toss-Up

    Knees buckle, pop as they hit the ground. Pain shooting up my leg, the voices in the backgroun d slowly blurring together, becoming indistinct. Ooer, Sam. It was emotional, but ...

    Jul 24, 2007
  • Short Story » Fantasy, General Re: Conquering Boredom

    The world was dark when Lord Bore took over the world. I really, really want to cut out the second "the world" and make it a pronoun. I get a ...

    Jul 23, 2007
  • Novel / Chapter » Fantasy, General Re: We are the Flame [3]

    Blood lust took over every pore of me, until it was all I thought of, my every motion was driven by two crimson lines on his neck. make the comma ...

    Jul 23, 2007
  • Novel / Chapter » Fantasy, General Re: Strands of Darkness 4

    Without a word, clarence he walked over to his desk and grabbed a set of keys, returning to the lovers. “Sorry about the mess,” she called over her shoulder. Her ...

    Jul 23, 2007
  • Poetry » Other, General Re: Hurt deep down

    So. New to poetry? Take it out of italics and punctuate it ( Poetry & Punctuation ). This was real Navel Gazing . I couldn't feel anything, and you were ...

    Jul 23, 2007
  • Poetry » Other, General Re: Her suicide note

    I think you should use quotations when she speaks, in one of my 'story' poems, my characters speak, and I use quotations. It helps people understand better, and we're used ...

    Jul 23, 2007
  • Poetry » Other, General Re: First Ciniquain, Please Critique

    Meaning: 2 Essential, illusory. 7 Tantalizes, Captivates, Absconds. 9 It is insensibly sought. 7 The red numbers next to each line represent syllable count. Here is a description of a ...

    Jul 23, 2007
  • Poetry » Narrative, General Re: Villains Never Win

    Interesting rhyme scheme ^_~ I didn't like it very much, and I can't say much. It was like a story with lots and lots and lots of introspection put in ...

    Jul 23, 2007
  • Poetry » Narrative, General Re: Just a poem

    I really did enjoy this ^_^ But I just have some nit picks: which I [s]blue[/s] blew all on beer When you use the dashes, things get awkward. And you ...

    Jul 23, 2007
  • Poetry » Lyrical, General Re: Musically Inclined

    I think the idea was good but I think it was poorly conducted. It just didn't work for me, but I'm not sure why. Maybe it's the way the stanzas ...

    Jul 23, 2007
  • Poetry » Lyrical, General Re: Healing

    I didn't like it much... the rhyme scheme may be right and correct but I don't think it was, and I looked at it and tried to figure it out, ...

    Jul 23, 2007
  • Poetry » Other, General Re: Imagine

    ooer, Fand beat me to it. Though, for once, I'm not sure I completely agree? I do have to say, listen to her closely. Everything she says is like gold ...

    Jul 23, 2007
  • Script » General, General Re: Closets (title soon to change)

    hahaha, you make me sound like a slave driving moderator of magical status XD How creative of you! Really though, I'm not that demanding... sometimes. Ack, I'm half tempted to ...

    Jul 22, 2007
  • Novel / Chapter » Science Fiction, General Re: The Oil Fields Are Burning (Part 3)

    If they get one lock on you, you are mort, to use an American euphemism. American euphemism...? But mort is French @_@ I'm confused! glowing redly. oh, ew, just say, ...

    Jul 22, 2007


It takes me deciding to write on YWS in the late hours...to realize how many members are most active while I'm unconscious
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