Griffinkeeper

I can't read this. It needs some editing. Here is an edited version. Chapter One My name is Victoria Hendrix and I'm 18. During my life I have seen more ...

Relax, it takes years of practice to get really good. I've been writing for years and I still am not perfect. Now I will give a critique on how you ...

Yes, it is him, the man with the silver eyes. A few sentence later: His shaggy mane of hair was a sickening brown. We have a tense problem here. Decide ...

Here is a rule for you guys to think about. In general: A prologue must not tell anything about the main character, a lot about the settings (although not how ...

I had an idea similar to your "All the magic is sent to another world" thing. Except I was focusing on the Gryphons. You should focus more on description. It ...

“Tobitha, would you mind staying after class for a moment?” said Mr. Winslow quietly as she walked by his desk. Good hook! It establishes a character, a setting, and a ...

It had some cliches in it and here is some commentary: After the fiftieth nobleman left, feeling more than a litle hurt, the king and queen approached Charlotte to ask ...

I agree with Reuchieru, kill the prologue. Besides, it gives away the ending, which is bad for prologues. A prologue gives the reader an idea of what happened before hand. ...

Break it up, using paragraphs. Just a quick example: Gaudior’s playful manner annulled and his smile was replaced with a thoughtful frown. “The dragonmistress is in her office,” he declared ...

Their children were taken away at the age of one and a half, after the mother and father were useless to the Government. The children were sent to the Nurseries, ...

You gives us a very confusing start. This guy is in a cell. He is miserable, yet he is able to see into people's souls. At this point everyone is ...