Hiccup

Thank you both for the comments, they both really helped. (: My only problem is that the story has to be a certain length, so I've been scrambling to fit ...

I really enjoyed this poem. That being said, I didn't see much you could edit or any errors in grammar. I do agree with BlueAfrica, though, about the rhyming scheme. ...

Let me start this off by saying you have written a beautiful poem. That being said, I don't think there's much I can pick out to make it sound any ...

Thanks, Sannah. After going over my work I did catch a few errors. My thoughts began to break away as the one with sheer black fur and deep brown eyes ...

Thank you, both. :) CrazyMonkey, no, I meant what I meant. It's saying the victim is not afraid, and she is not fighting back, simply letting them destory her slowly. ...

" When Adam comes, can I just go out?" Elizabeth asked. Delete the space. Also, I did not like the ending very much. Maybe that's just me. It was fairly ...

I really like it. I can understand what your trying to explain, and it flows well. A lot of poems I read feel to choppy to me, but you did ...

Thank you very much. I'm glad you liked it, I wrote it by expressing my feelings towards my feelings at the moment. I just moved, and even though I love ...

So far it's very interesting. The story flows well, and I didn't find many choppy sentences throwing it off track. Honestly, I'm having a hard time finding any things to ...

Wonderful job, it felt very smooth and I enjoyed reading it. :)

Very interesting, but a few parts seem a bit out of place. However, I like the idea. :)

Thank you. Yes, I realize it's not really needed, but I'm adding to it. It doesn't end right there for that paragraph. c:

Thank you both! I should have gone over it before posting. *_* Also, I pasted it from Microsoft, so her thoughts were not italized. Also the transition got messed up ...

Well done. I love it :)

Very nice, but if I were you I'd add more detail instead of the constant talking between the characters.