Kei

Great so far! I want more :D A few more grammar issues- don't forget to end dialogue with a COMMA (in most cases, when needed- you get what I mean)! ...

Hey, thanks for the review. No worries- Kei is nowhere close to being a Mary-Sue. Nowhere. She's not strong at all, doesn't know many moves, just a few good ones- ...

Glad you like it :)

Haha, thank you! ^-^ I'm on the last episode of the original, first Naruto... almost on Shippuden! D:

So here's Chapter Three, as promised. Action scenes, as I've found out, are rather challenging to write... Bear with me on the length. I tend to go overboard. Haha. Also, ...

Great work so far. Very good desciptions and dialogue. There are a few things I'd like to point out- “Hello? Yes this is chief Lockheary….. Mmmmm ok ill be right ...

So there are a few things here and there as BassGuitarFreak pointed out- but more descriptions- namely, the cave- it's so very vague and I have quite a bit of ...

Thanks bud ^^ I don't believe it's a run-on but I understand where you're coming from- lots of commas. The reason being I just try to vary the lengths of ...

Thank you for the review! :) I was partially just teasing with that "if no one's reviewing my chapters..." remark, but I've posted it on a few other sites, and ...

Would appreciate it if you reviewed- either Chapter One or this chapter. If no one's reviewing because my chapters are that dreadful, someone please tell me! :wink: I hope it's ...

Big improvement from your unedited version, definitely. It's great so far! A few things here and there- “Hey there.” Scarlet whipped around to see a tall handsome figure looming over ...

Hey! Thanks for the review! I haven't checked your profile in a while- needa see if you've posted some more works. I need to know how Pierce is doing. ;) ...

Before you read, just a quick word from me- I haven't written in forever. So I apologize if it's a bit choppy, there are grammatical errors (though there shouldn't be) ...