Lethero

“You promised!” a tall man bellowed. Lower case a. “I know , ” t he other man said in his hissing voice. Comma after know and a lower case t ...

Self consciously , I smoothed down the edges of my newly ironed blouse, and wiped my sweaty hands on my black dress pants. Add a comma there. And is the ...

Ok . . . Weird story, but I agree with Enigma, it's good for a 10 year old. I find it weird though that anyone would want a ticket to ...

Lilly-Lynne was awake, Is that your character's name? If it is, it's odd. If not I think you should separate them. Not knowing what else to do, she sat at ...

Hey, Mix. It's time to show how I can be more evil reviewing, than I am in the chat room. First off spaces between paragraphs. "Good evening, fluffy the vampire ...

(Note, she has just woken up from her flashback/dream thing) Again, show us in the story. said Jeremiah and I nodded. I think "Jeremiah said" sounds better, don't you? We ...

Note, she has just woken up from her flashback/dream thing) Don't tell us, we'll figure that out when we start to read. You, slave, you need to come now,” Read ...

(Note, she has just waken up from her flashback/dream thing) Don't tell the flashback is over. Show us in the story. Again, add spaces between paragraphs, because YWS doesn't indent. ...

First off, put spaces in between paragraph. YWS doesn't read indents. The January wind whips my face with cold flakes of snow that sting my pink cheeks. Try adding more ...

Firstly, put spaces in between paragraphs because YWS doesn't read the indents. Your grandparents are wondering why you aren’t coming to them.” To me, this sounds awkward. I could be ...

:flash: First time I used a razorblade for something other than shaving. :flash: The day that my cousin, Linda was buried. She died from cancer. The sky cried for two ...

"Nope maybe you're going to sleep. Soon I won't even be able to talk to you like this . " [/b]T[/b]he words came before I could stop them , w ...

Okay, just a suggestion, but put a space between paragraphs. It makes it much easier to read. First off: Are you really twelve, because the beginning sounds like it's written ...

First thing, I notice about this story is that the paragraphs are very short. While that is not altogether bad, but indicates no description. Description is the meat of a ...

( techanlly they are her brother and sisters) First of it's technically, and secondly I there a way you can word so it fits on the end of the sentence ...