LowKey

Ack you guys are awesome, and I really appreciate your reviews -- I've attacked this thing so many times I can't see it with fresh eyes anymore. So I'm very ...

You're awesome, Matt. As of Matt's post, this is fixed. I anyone finds it in need of improvement, please shred it down to ribbons. Monstrar and Easy -- thanks, guys. ...

Edited and Updated as of Bunny's post. Thanks, guys, for looking at it. :) Anything else?

You don't need to put them all in this chapter. :) Character changes aren't all that good, either. Don't change him, strengthen him. Give him more opportunities to say something ...

Ah... yes. The waitress. She irked people last time, too. I'd get rid of her, but that means there's that much less of a description (the check, after dinner, end ...

Going to do this a bit differently. Changes will be made in red, things that I want to make note of will be done in green. :D Leblanc, a city ...

This one was actually pretty short. 1. As a random side note, I thought the description of the city was interesting to read, but I felt it kind of stepped ...

I had never truly lost anyone close before. Plot! And I'm proud of myself, because I had a suspicion that the phone call may have had something to do with ...

This piece is kind of old...

NOTE : After Vernon's critique, I thoroughly attacked this piece. No nit-piking would be repeats of what others said, and if it is a repeat, I probably need to be ...

Okay, changed it up and fixed most of the things mentioned. Any better?

KJ -- thanks for the comments. I agree with the 'would be' being annoying, I just didn't know how else to show that this was what she was planning the ...

Hey guys! Thanks so much for the comments! But... heh... this piece is almost half a year old... which, in writing standards, puts it as ancient... almost mummy old. Might ...

Haha, nice, Saint.

My eyes burn. My mind is numb. This was great. XD I'm still laughing at it.