Lylah

:D

This was very good! I can't wait to see how the story unfolds! You gave me an exact picture in my head of the image you were trying to portray. ...

Interesting idea. I don't really have time to do the line by line kind of crit, but some comments I have are that you really should be showing us, not ...

Gone Fishing said it all! Your story is heartbreakingly sad! as for the writing bit, There are a few spelling errors, which would be well worth your time to fix. ...