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Yup. Everything you said is jut.. yup. xD I feel like I have a lot of what you are talking about that I know, I'm just struggling to not feel ...

Hehe hey Bisc. Lots of nitpicks right? I'm always in a hurry to post without doing some basic fixes xD That one sentence with the weapon waaas italic but good ...

Ok. I thought it was fine but it never hurts to double check

Bahaha

Hey i know this is late but hey when do mothers get a day off? Was the dialogue ok? It's been a while since i wrote any

Haha thanks blue. I get a lot of what you're saying. I was trying to not be very telly. I have the idea of what theyre guarding but i wasn't ...

Awww thanks :D you're too kind

BTW you can keep the cart scene if you want. I just didn't like the transition sentence. I didn't think the names were a problem. But if you're choosing between ...

Haha it's fine. I used to make my reviews mostly on nitpicks and grammar, but I've learned over time that honestly it doesn't matter that much in the first draft. ...

Maybe im just tired but that was hysterical to read %uD83D%uDE02%uD83D%uDE02

I think tour ages are fine. You just seem to present Janet in the beginning as the more dominating "mom" presence. Like when she says "finally gonna pull your weight?" ...

Just to poke in... xD Pande is right about the walking in silence thing; I thought similarly. I would say to just cut he cart scene, but the little bit ...

Well i love both xD but second in this instance.

Hahaha i got you. I loved that movie!

Haha yeah it makes sense. Honestly i think if you worked those ideas in a little but more it would have actually made this a pretty relatable story for a ...