Ofour

I havent read annything like this before , in books too , and i dont believe your fifteen either. stop looking for compliments like these , write a book and ...

Maybe, if you were patient. There are times when not many people are online. Also, you cannot expect a great flood of reviews instantly, when you're a relatively new member ...

"Your eyes like slits trying to close for centrys" - "centuries". "Hidding from your shadow to petrifyed to look behind" - "hiding", comma after "shadow", "too", "petrified". "your time is ...

"The sun’s rays fluttered through the leaves" - rays can flutter? "The wind stirred the already-fallen leaves" - you repeat "leaves" again too soon. The "already" isn't really necessary. "The ...

"For her the indifferent earth would change, Its mountain ranges torn asunder, For her the superior sky would change, Its lighting without thunder." - I would use a different word ...

"It was time; their time to leave" - wrong type of colon. "The look of strong life-changing want" - comma after "strong". "smiled anyways" - I'd put "anyway", "anyways" is ...

"stilled sands of time she preyed" - Do you mean "prayed", and I think this should end with a full-stop. "Like swords it slashed the skin," - I'd put a ...

"a gray wolf" - capital A. ""What is it Rogue?" Jake asked" - full-stop after "asked". "from it's place" - no apostrophe needed. "shot off a warning shoot" - "shot", ...

"I feel embarrassed, ugly, scared" - following from the first two I felt that it should be "scarred" but I wonder as to whether that is what you meant. I ...

"Life is why we are all here" - I don't really agree. Life is not a reason. "Yet no-one seems to care" - again, I disagree. " others than yourself" ...

"where neighbours where treated more like aquatences" - "were" and "acquaintances". "as apposed to" -"opposed". "It was rather strange then that hidden away behind the high walled gardens, company car

Don't put yourself down so much... but I agree. Didn't contain much depth, just a basic description of what is happening around you, it doesn't induce any challenging or profound ...

"In the life, exist two ways" - why not say "two ways exist". It's much simpler, I see no need to make it unnecessarily archaic. Also, why is it "the" ...

Oh dear. To reiterate what Incandescence said, why would you want others to read a piece of work that "sucks" so much. To show people how not to write? If ...

"six years had passed since our father left" - capital S. "When i reached my room" - capital I. Very empathetic piece. I can really feel the emotions you are ...