Pattycakes

Yes! This took several of the 'problems' I had with earlier chapters and took steps toward solving them. I was pumping my fist as I read. I thought the development ...

Hey, it's been a while. I'll give this a shot. General comments: re-inca-rnation This was a grab bag for me. I liked some of it but thought it could use ...

Hey man! Long time, no review. Let's fix that. General comments: 6th sense (of humor) There were a couple of laugh out loud moments in this chapter, which was a ...

Hectic metric This is probably more of a literary curio but you mention in part of the prose that he's driving his truck at 140. Due to the fact that ...

The tension between Michael and Nigel is a nice touch. It makes the situation they're in feel more real and intense. Fueling speculation Here's something that struck me as odd. ...

Magically delicious This is a novel way to introduce a power into your work and it seems the idea of reincarnation is both powerful in the literal sense and the ...

Awesome, I'm liking this chapter a lot. These new characters are really unique and interesting. All fine-o Albino I was overjoyed at the direction you've taken this character so far. ...

Hey man, The plot thickens... General comments : Making a scene "He saw the eyes in the cafeteria turn back to their lunches." Haha, no way this happens. No way. ...

Mix and match Be careful not to homogenize Indian tribes too much. I get that this isn't historical fiction but it seems to have historical undertones and I think things ...

Ah, there's much more going on in this chapter! Comments : Just a few more overused sleeptalk phrases mom That sleep mumbling you have Marcus doing, particularly the first part, ...

Hey, interesting little bit so far. General comments : First things first : I like the opening. And I hate it. Let me explain: "That’s from Wikipedia,"..."That’s all we want ...

Ah, atchaeology is a very ripe subject for exciting adventure fiction if you're willing to take some... Jones -ian liberties with the profession. General comments: Punching power : For a ...

Poetry/lyrics Part of me likes that this stuff is in here, it’s unique. But if it stays it’s a little long and disruptive in the middle of the chapter like ...

Early start You shouldn’t lead off both chapters as ‘wake-up’ scenes. At least not the first two chapters anyways. It’s stale, variety is good! Dualities Be careful with making every ...

Hey I like it so far! I think your writing style is pretty strong; there are weak points there of course, but still definitely a good foundation to build off ...