Remember

Let me start off with a couple of punctuation corrections. They acted happy around me, but that was just it; an act I think it's meant to be a colon ...

The description is good and I'd like to read more. One thing: you might consider varying the sentences in the beginning. Sometimes too many sentences starting with "the" or "she" ...

I'm not sure if it's what you were going for but I like the lack of punctuation as the poem continues. The lengthy sentence at the end that's broken up ...