ScarletMonkey

Ok, a lot of stuff has been edited. I actually took a look at this and realised that the focus isn't that strong. I've got good lines in here but ...

OK, I've edited a fair amount of the original poem without losing anything that important I agree, I did use touch way too much, and I actually always intended to ...

I've added some punctuation and generally mixed things up a little, I understand what bubblewrapped was saying, I've put it into practise and hope the result makes it an overall ...

I've edited the last few lines so they seem a bit nicer now Lot less mention of 'eyes' but I've kept the last line of the first stanza because it's ...

Excellent stuff, I'm pretty impressed with the intelligence of it, there are no 'waster' lines, it's all one big description and I love it Nice job, the 'immigration' sounded forced ...

Hello Mr EliteHusky I'm glad you enjoyed my mention the the word 'bed-sheet', it's actually quite under-appreciated and I'm very sad to hear that no one else uses it. I'm ...

Common cut us some slack here... It's hard to post beats, music etc. Music is meant to be heard I get what you're saying though, it's always difficult to read ...

I'd have issues with the repitition if it were a poem Yeah these are lyrics So it's not an actual poem, thus repetition is meant to fit in with the ...