Shepherd

This is interesting. The only thing, I think, that takes away from what you are doing here is that you're not showing us anything. You're telling us all about you, ...

Nice work! I'm going to start from the end and work my way up, because the most glaring difficulty I have with this is at the end. Firstly, it's almost ...

I started off with the same bristly sensation of drama that Perdido has expressed, but when I reached the end of the poem, I did find that you had something ...

This is a good topic! I work for a rescue that deals mainly in so-called 'pit bulls' (which includes, here, American Staffordshire Terriers, Staffordshire Terriers, and various breeds of bulldog). ...

This is a neat little poem, and you definitely have a strong message. The beginning, I liked, but overall my biggest problem with this is the fact that it didn't ...

There are a couple of grammatical errors, here, but I'm sure you will see that as you review this. One or two things that bothered me while reading: It seems ...

This is an interesting poem! I think, though, that it lacks depth. What you've done here is scratch the surface of something meaningful, and I think perhaps you have left ...

I completely missed the suicide at the end, until I read the comments and went back. I like this story a lot, but I think your biggest trouble is pacing. ...

This seems to me as though it began as a short story, and was then broken up as a poem. It isn't bad, I don't think: only that I never ...

Actually, I think generally what was lacking in this poem was emotion. Your sense of rhythm was clipped and sure, which for this particular subject may be a poor choice. ...

Welcome to YWS! A few people have already picked up on the grammatical errors that--for me--were an issue that detracted from the overall draw of this piece. Since it's a ...

The first one read a little bit like a machine gun. It was fast and rushed, and I felt myself tumbling through it rather than enjoying some of the more ...

This was not a bad collection of letters, by any means, but because the storyline here is so predictable, I think it would be nice to have a few more ...

This is a neat concept! I was a little confused, though. Initially, I couldn't visualize the path along which she was traveling. At first, I was under the (apparently mistaken) ...

I didn’t like this place. I couldn’t stand the putrid stench of it; musty and dank. It smelt like the rotted, moldy stench that comes from a swamp. It smelt ...