Snoink

Ah, come on! You know you're a cutie. ;)

The exclamation mark ruins the quiet shushing of the poem, but otherwise, nice! I too like the word "asunder." We should use that word more. Asunder, asunder... *wanders off*

Well, what do you expect from a game first made in the mid-nineties? Someone has to say it: Grif, you're a dork.

LOL! Well, unlike you two, I call them DOT-DOT-DOTs. It's really funny. My best friend overuses them in her stories, so I do critiquing and reading over the phone, and ...

I think you're confused about dashes, semicolons, and those periods (...). Periods indicate a trailing off. "I don't think that's a good idea..." "Hush!" Semicolons indicates a dramatic pause, which ...

Wow... is that what people really think of during eleventh grade math? LUCKY! In my calculus class, people are supportive enough, but yeesh... the teacher. Your character is really lucky ...

*grumbles* I'm next... ;)

Oh gosh... what an improvement! It reminds me of my old stories. Most of them are crap with a couple of good parts. :P

One boob is a little bigger than the other...

The awkward thing about the third was the word "couldn't." And the fourth was a little long and didn't look too friendly on the eyes. Even so, it was a ...

So far, so good. Welcome to YWS! :)

Nice! I like the contrast of the colors - one being black but being described as white and likewise. Pretty stuff. :) And congratulations!

I like the four first lines -- CUTE! The rest of it was okay, mostly because I think it hinged on the borders of preachy and nonpreachy. But still, nice ...

You mean the music you wrote to this, or all the song titles you've lifted to make this? *sighs* I heard the news today, oh boy...

Interesting. :) I'm not going to go over grammar errors (there weren't many) but I will say this about your spelling: darkness and other forms of wordness have two s's ...