Snoink

*Brings is several tanned muscular young men in g-strings and glitter all over their body* *screws up face innocently* They play the cello? And I've already taken over the site... ...

Most obsessed with critiquing and editing in general: Snoink

I remember writing something like this when I had writer's block, lol. It was for school too, come to think of it. Anyway, this is a very nice story. Not ...

Okay, thanks to everyone that helped! Dad liked it a lot. He didn't cry or anything, but he did smile. I'm giving him laugh wrinkles! :) Anyway, thank you so ...

It seems like a story with line breaks more than an actual poem. And it's even stretching the bounds of narrative poetry... I would change it into prose. It would ...

"They were warm, and through her suspicions, she was grateful." What do you mean by the word "through"? "She kept an eye out for possible escape routes, by habit more ...

The metering is slightly off. Since it looks like you're doing a structured poem, it should have a consistent metering scheme. Read about it here: Otherwise, interesting idea.

Copy and paste it in your original post: A Trip to Here Marty sat at an old desk that had taken a beating over the years, biting her pen and ...

Well... do you have a copy of the old version you can put here so I can compare them? Then I can show you why I liked the old version ...

I had to reread it to understand it better, but I did like it. It reminds me of that little play I did. XD The director just couldn't come up ...

The devil looks fat, lol. Because you've made the buttons on his shirt go like "(" it makes him look very chubby. XD

Another thing... it's "Requiem."

It's interesting from the insane asylum point of view, but I found it a bit boring, and too jumpy. You go from one scene to the next without any real ...

I do it automatically when I'm writing, hehe. It's strange. So when I'm writing and am on a webcam, then people often wonder about my facial expressions... Which leads me ...

DOES ANYONE EVEN AKNOWLEDGE ME?!????!!!! Biggest attention whore: ummcowsareawesome ;) I second! :)