Snoink

I liked this better, if only there was more emotions in it, which in turn made it easier to read. XD It actually flows nicely too. There's just a couple ...

The Prince picked his back foff the ground, dusted it off, and re-fastened the brass clips, then set the bag next to him and leaned his forehead against the window, ...

Hehe, not bad. :) This line sounds a little bit awkward though: "Of unkindly demise to go" I don't know... it just seems a little nonsensical. Perhaps you can find ...

She has rather big nostrils, don't you think?

Gah... you have such a dry tone. Why can't you be angsty and overdramatic like everyone else?

I reread this... it's still awesome. I mean... the word "beam" in the first line of the stanza... priceless!

I love your first stanza. Anything that has to do with chocolate cherries is a great stanza. However, the green eyed colors don't seem to match really. The second stanza ...

YAY! A POEM NOT ABOUT DEATH AND DESTRUCTION AND PEAS! Well... actually, there was a lot of destruction but... who cares! I liked this. The rhyming, most of the time, ...

Now there's only a couple of rhymes. Which means that, when there are rhymes, it makes that place seem awkward. Also the metering is off. And, usually I don't try ...

I like the introduction better. The introduction had a good start, a believable voice, and it sounded a lot more interesting. As soon as you got to the actual story, ...

It's amusing. Kerosene in your veins? Your mouth is the spark? Does that mean that lover is a vampire and you are one of rare occurences of spontanious human combustion? ...

Please, please, PLEASE do not plagiarize anything. >< I've heard this years ago, when I was in elementary school... This may be a variant of it, but...

The metering is completely off, and the poem is too negative to have a really strong effect.

Well... it didn't work for me. You have to realize, I've been working on a "Choose your own adventure" kind of thing for a website, so... it doesn't affect me. ...

10/10 OMG! HE HAS THINGS COMING OUT OF HIS HEAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AWESOME!