Snoink

This is a slightly hilarious poem, but if you want anybody to take it seriously, you're going to have to add more. :)

YWS decided to die, just as I wrote a comment for this. So, five million days later, I'm commenting! Yay! This is cool. I loved it and it was funny ...

My inner feminist inside of me is tempted to scream. This is such a shallow representation of a woman... especially of a beloved woman. It really doesn't say anything, just ...

Yes... and research! The people don't magically become your agents... they are professional agents already. While you're editing your novel, look up and find out as much as you can ...

O_o This is soooo disturbing.

The voice in the head part is kind of scary. I mean, it implies that the girl goes crazy and skitzo and that solves her problems? What sort of message ...

Ugh! I hated the imagery! Any mention of surgery and cutting makes me feel twitchy. Don't ask... it involves an almost-tragedy with me and a chainsaw. Slightly traumatizing... Anyway. That ...

Hmm... I don't really find it interesting that she has a secret that she's keeping from the guy who she supposedly (shallowly?) loves. It just... not that interesting. It's not ...

The rhythm is good but... it doesn't really say anything. Are these the only thoughts that go through your head as you think about this sort of stuff? I don't ...

You're only describing the physical conditions of loneliness. The eyes closed shut, the empty room are all physical manifestations of loneliness. All right. But we need to know what the ...

Change the ending so that we know why the break up happened and why she got with his best friend. Right now, it's too vague in that regard, so the ...

Hi! Welcome to YWS! I shall hopefully be helpful, maybe. I think. Okay! First poetic lesson: when writing poetry, you must constantly ask yourself, "Why am I writing this?" and ...

Get rid of the repetition--it adds nothing to your poem. Really. With that said, I like the metaphor you use with the sea of people. :) I think it would ...

This is a horribly creepy poem. Seriously. It sounds like a stalker wrote who is going to stalk the poor girl for a long, long, time. I would run away ...

I'm pretty sure that you might like some certain fantasies besides Philip Pullman's. ;) I'm glad your memory stick was saved from evident death. That would be... terrible. :(