Snoink

Awww, this is cute! It reads a little bit too much like a story now, since you lay out the evidence all nicely. I suggest taking away some of the ...

First off, I think you emphasize the fact that it wasn't a dream a bit too much. ;) With that said, I think it would be super cool if you ...

The ending doesn't seem to pack any punch. Look at it. What do you want to emphasize in the poem? The duel nature of the child? How mysterious and ambiguous ...

Edited! The original version is in the spoiler, if you want to look at it... [spoiler] Give me that cigarette so that my lungs can turn as black as yours ...

Ender's Game , anyone? *le sigh* I still have to read that book. :)

Interesting piece! :D I love anything that compares humans with statues. It's cool to me. ^^ Anyway! On with the comments. :) HE LOVES HER

I just want to point out that this poem is slightly more than three years old and that the member is no longer active on YWS. ;)

Geep, the first chapter was very confusing, so if that was your intention, then you did perfectly. 1) About Scarlett, you say this: That was my goal throughout high school ...

The conflict in this poem is all about the secrets that the mountain keeps. Unfortunately, it seems like you don't give us a hint about the secrets, instead talking about ...

This has some pretty good stuff in it! :D Since you seem to be pretty adept at poetry, the thing I would try next is to play with formatting. Right ...

Just a quick reminder: you don't have to write an introduction explaining your poem. I'm pretty sure that is one of the reasons why this poem hasn't gotten as many ...

Some fabulous stuff here! :D I won't rant about how awesome some of the stuff is in here, because I think you know, but I do have two qualms. The ...

I love the idea of the first line. I would write it as: Every tear I cry for you slips down my cheek and makes a little puddle on the ...

I think This poem goes on too long. No, seriously, right now it's a little bit scattered. Look at all your points and decide which ones are more important to ...

I think if you took this part out: You left me because you never saw What I was when you were gone We were in love but now your gone ...