Snoink

Wait... what is a space heater? But that's not the point! I think that the cat and the laptop are not that important to the poem... I like the mother ...

Hehe, I love your poetry.

I actually liked this. I know, amazing, right? Just a couple of things! First of all, the second stanza is too rhyming. Or at least it sounds weird to me. ...

Hello and welcome to YWS! Your poem was interesting! For a second, I thought it would be something typical, like somebody living with an alcoholic, so I was pleasantly surprised ...

Eep... I think the prologue should probably be scraped and you should keep the first chapter instead, as the beginning point. This prologue is slightly confusing at the moment, and ...

There is not a single thing in this poem that grounds it in reality. And that's why it fails. Sorry, you know I love you--you've been on YWS enough so ...

Out of all the massacre metaphors, this is the one I disliked the most: among the string beans screaming beneath paprika. I think it's because "string beans" and "screaming" sound ...

This poem used line breaks too much. And let's face it: Line breaks can be used for good or for evil. This critique, for example is using it for evil ...

This is a good example on how adjectives don't really describe anything. Clean, powerful, and pure? What is she? Clorox bleach? And then there are the ambiguous nouns. Needy? Weak? ...

1) Grammar is your friend. Make all your grammar make sense, and you'll be much better off. Okay, now that I said that, let's go on to the story, shall ...

The narrative is amusing, but it doesn't seem to go along with the dialogue and everytime the dialogue starts up (except for the end) the narrative seems to interrupt the ...

Right now it just looks like a grocery lists of "things you can do to make Christmas good for others." Which is probably not a good thing. Throw out some ...

Then you might consider revising it. At the moment, your point of view is with the person that is about to sleep, so if you go outside of that point ...

Another thing to consider! Right now, your poem sounds like you're in stop and go traffic. Which probably isn't good. Don't break up your poem with what you're feeling. Instead, ...

Nice poem! I like how you start off at an emergency room and slowly give out details as the poem progresses. One thing that you could probably tweak are these ...