Snoink

One of the reasons why writers don't want to extensively edit their work because it's SO HARD. I'm serious. Some editing, for me, is easy to do, but to rewrite? ...

Use spellcheck. Not Knarled... gnarled. And there's several other mistakes as well. Right now, you are using symbolism to establish a setting. That's nice and everything, but you haven't even ...

The poem seems to have ADD. Like, it;s humorous at one point and then very serious the next, so it's kind of strange. Still, you have all these messages that ...

Hehehe... since someone already commented on the substance, let's get nitty-gritty, shall we? :D I can’t stand her anymore; She keeps on knocking on my door. I can’t possibly let ...

I like quick deaths. I mean, for the first death for FREAK, it's like, "WTF? That person is dead ? What did s/he do to deserve that?" So yeah. And ...

The language for the first part is biased towards the girl, talking about how she is so pitiable. Instead, try describing what makes her pitiable. Good luck with you and ...

It was too rushed. Try giving more of an explanation as to his disappearance.

Ah, I knew it.

Granted, but you don't fly well so you'll crash into a billboard and thusly die from terrible advertising. I wish my desk were clean...

It's too long to be humorous and too repetitious to be funny. So... um... yeah. And, you said it was for real hate, but OMG. It seems like you're trying ...

Is it important to write about what you know, or can you take a leap sometimes and write something alilen to you? How much of a leap is good?

Hmmm... Don't start with her in bed Start with her about to go to bed or something. That way, we get a better picture of who she is. Don't rely ...

Thank you, Snoinkus! ...where do the bubbles go? That's what I want to know. :P ...they eventually pop. :P But don't worry! Just because the bubble bursts doesn't mean the ...

Virginia Woolf: "It is worth mentioning, for future reference, that the creative power which bubbles so pleasantly in beginning a new book quiets down after a time, and one goes ...

Small comments... Describe more of the first part. How do the character say it? What is their general location? You don't need to go overboard on it, of course, but ...