Snoink

Hey Fade! :D First of all, this is a pretty twisted poem, lol. It's like... they love each other, but they want to hurt each other? I am not sure ...

Teehee, this is a bit of a tongue twister! :D Anyway, my one main comment is that the second to last stanza seems out of place... I would actually make ...

Hey Jeanette! Aww... sisters who drift away from each other! Always a sad thing! Anyway, I agree with the several people who said that that one line is repetitious and ...

Hey Isabella! :D This may just be me, but I think I would do without this prologue and just dive into the action in the first chapter! I mean, come ...

Awww, it sucks when dogs die. :( They become more than friends really quickly... they're beautiful creatures and lovely companions! The only way I can figure it is they die ...

Hello again, Captian! :D I think this poem sounds like thinly disguised whining, if that makes sense. That is, you're invisible but sometimes people notice you, but it's not for ...

Hey Harmony! :D One thing I would suggest is to put something concrete in here! That is, you have a lot of abstract concepts introduced in here from discoveries to ...

Hey Ceres! :D The main complaint is this seems like one disjointed poem connected with a full poem! Basically? The first stanza doesn't really fit with the rest of the ...

Hey Poe! You like a good poet. ;) Anyway, as far as this poem goes, I found this very very abstract... cripplingly so! You delved on the problems with the ...

Hey Captian! :D I definitely agree with ireylcadence here! You are telling quite a bit! I think this poem would be a lot better if you took just one of ...

Hey JustDance! :D I think this might actually work as a story better! :D What this is missing, for both the story and for the poem, is why this is ...

Hey Way2Dawn! :D One thing I think you can improve on is making this poem more subtle! I'm used to reading poetry, so I really like digging through the poem ...

Hey SilentRain! :D First of all, the answer is no, it's not better that way. Then you can't write poems, no? :D I like the first stanza! It has sharp ...

Hey Emily! :D I think the reason why Jasmine said this poem was a bit abstract was because its metaphors didn't really make sense! That is, your metaphors are very ...

Hey Rose! :D One of things that I wondered while I read the poem was what made his actions forever unforgivable? That is, you talked about how he could never ...