Snoink

Hey shizunarui! Welcome to YWS! :D Your story is very dramatic! It seems rather like a soap opera, in fact. This isn't necessarily a bad thing though... I definitely like ...

Hello BeautifulDoom! :D So, Bondgirl was right as far as the beginning goes! You're kind of contradicting yourself, so if you continue with this piece, you'll definitely want to edit ...

Hey allmixedup! :D First of all, there's a couple of typos in here that you can fix! For instance, "stutter" is spelled as "studder" and other typos. So just run ...

Hey Hawkie! :D First of all, nice images! I loved the specific images that you used... it helped formed a concrete image in my mind, which is always good! Now, ...

Hey Jane! :D A good story... really! Very true and poignant, especially in times like these. Plus, it's written well, which is always a bonus. ;) My main advice for ...

Hey Jasmine! So! This kind of reminds me of some of the older poems I did... which may or may not be a bad thing! :P Anyway! In the first ...

Classy! I love you but... that title is soooo wrong on so many levels. XD Also, why is this in fantasy? It hardly seems like a fantasy short story at ...

Hey Ross! So, you're writing lyrics! Yay! :D Now, for the first verse, it seems really really cheesy. I don't know. I like the chorus and how it runs, but ...

Hey ninjacookiemonster! :D (And yes, I love that name.) I think this isn't really an excerpt as much as it is a query! Which is fantastic, really... I'm attempting to ...

Considering that you just viciously killed a leaf in the name of science, why not talk about it in scientific terms? No, it doesn't have eyes... but it does have ...

Next time, bug somebody in green. We can unlock it for you. :) Anyway... there is this damsel lying in this grass with lots of insects whizzing around. She's been ...

Hey talkingbird! Interesting beginning! I like the language and the way you bring us into the characters' lives. Now, my main suggestion here is to describe more about Maggie. In ...

Hey Ninja Cookie Monster! :D One thing that I would really like to see in this is a description of Seth! Not necessarily a physical description, mind you, (though you ...

Fries! A story! *pounces!* Now! For the story! First, the annoying scientist in me wants to remind you that it's pretty hard to outrun a bear. And out climb a ...

Hey guitargirl! Interesting way of formatting your story! I find it strange that she would be so open with her brother, but hey! Whatever works! Now, my main suggestion would ...