Snoink

Oh dear, I'm not sure if I like where this is going, lol! Highly scandalous! :D Okay, so you asked me for some adviceso... here's a game which might be ...

Wait! What??? XD You start off with a happy snow scene and then the girl forgets about the snowman because she falls asleep? And then, when she realizes what she's ...

Whoa, cool down, guys! :D First of all, there are a lot of grammar mistakes, like missed capitalization of names, etc., so I think you should go through and clean ...

To make it less explanatory ("This was back in the days when some animals still possessed magical qualities") consider having just a magician come to her and give her the ...

Hey Sanareth! :D Well, this is a morbid poem! I'm guessing the he in the poem is dead now... and I am guessing the narrator is a she, so those ...

Hello ozasatya, and welcome to YWS! :D Debate competitions can be rough... it's true! Part of me likes the first part of the poem, because it's obviously after a crummy ...

Pudding! Soooooo many spelling mistakes! It's quite ridiculous... but incredibly fixable! Run it through a spell checker and fix them all! :D Anyway, fantastic dream! Really! The main thing that ...

Okay! So I don't get this. She is underage, cutting herself, turning to drugs. The child, for some reason, isn't a miscarriage. And, at the hospital... they allow her to ...

Hi Tiger! So, I could definitely tell that the writing style was new to you! But at the same, I didn't quite like the style or the content of the ...

Clever! I quite liked this. :) A star for you! The main problem is that the words don't run together smoothly. It's a little hard to describe, so just read ...

Hey wati! I know that you said not to shatter this, so I'm not going point by point on this, but I would like to point out some things that ...

Hey Ego! I've seen you critiquing on YWS, so I figured I would drop by! :D I didn't like the first two stanzas at all. They were really boring. It's ...

I could hardly breathe because he was chocking me with my own clothes.

Hehe! What a twisted story! I like it. What is this a fanfiction of? :) Anyway, I have one grammatical comment, but it should be easy, so no worries! Whenever ...

Hey emoticon! Welcome to YWS! :D There is a difference between poetry and brain dumps! Brain dumps belong to journals or blogs... places that are personal and not up for ...