Snoink

Okay, so this is the nit-picky review! The better review, full of lovely commentary on the actual story, is on TWS (since we need to get that place up and ...

Hey Words! Okay, this is going to be a really general review, so yay? For the first two stanzas, you have a really hopeful tone that makes it sound like ...

Eek! I really liked this for the most part. It reminded me of William Carlos Williams's "Red Wheelbarrow", which is always a good thing! My main problem was it wasn't ...

Hey Sachi! So yeah... you have a nice, clean style which is always a pleasure to read! However, a couple of rather major things irked me about this piece, so ...

Hi colorful! Welcome to YWS! :D So, basically, you know how to write vivid images, which is a great! Now, what you want to try to make the vivid images ...

Haha, yes! I second the very good for the first poem bit. :) One thing I love to see in poetry is lots of metaphors and stuff... it's kind of ...

Hi Vampy! :) The main thing that I wondered about in this poem was about the narrator. At first, I figured that the narrator could be God, but since it ...

Awww, so sweet! A couple of things... You say the boyfriend and the girlfriend way too much, I think. I would rather use their real names. :P Still... one thing ...

First, gimmicky writing doesn't mean it's good writing. In fact, most of the time, it's bad writing. In this case, it's bad writing. Get rid of the bad grammar in ...

Hey Nutty! Two things! First of all, I want to see more action when she spills hot coffee all over herself. Why? Because that sort of stuff totally wakes you ...

Haha, this was pretty cute! I would have it more centered on the girl... after all, this is her dream, so why would she dream about someone watching her? I ...

Hey Commas! It's really late, so I should probably go to bed, but I figured I would comment on your poem first! To start, stylistically, it's really stop-and-go. You flit ...

Okay, this is just going to be a quick review, but here we go! The main thing I thought was a little weird was that you kept saying you would ...

Ohmigosh! This poem made me squeamish, lol. Needles, in general, suck. Like... oh gosh. I have to spend half my time holding my eyes when watching House. It's really pathetic. ...

Okay, so generally I don't like to comment on style, however... you could probably combine some sentences and make this piece a lot more smoother and easier to read. Right ...