Snoink

It had no order, no structure. What was up and what was down was irrelevant in a place like this. But when I said that nothing lived here, I lied. ...

I looked closer, the hero had disappeared. Comma splice error; should be a semicolon. "Sure sweety... It probably should be "sweetie." I dunno... it just looks better. "Grandpa, can we ...

But we all love character sketches, no? :) I read this a while ago, but I didn't have the consideration to post my comments on it. :shock: Anyway, I thought ...

These are my ideas about how you can paragraph it. Of course, I may be wrong, but this is what I did. Perhaps it's a little easier to read? No ...

Wow... is that what people really think of during eleventh grade math? LUCKY! In my calculus class, people are supportive enough, but yeesh... the teacher. Your character is really lucky ...

I like the four first lines -- CUTE! The rest of it was okay, mostly because I think it hinged on the borders of preachy and nonpreachy. But still, nice ...

Interesting. :) I'm not going to go over grammar errors (there weren't many) but I will say this about your spelling: darkness and other forms of wordness have two s's ...

Er... grammatically, it's a travesty. But, strangely enough, it's funny. I think, if you want to seperate it in paragraphs that make sense and edit it, the story would look ...

:shock: Barely any spelling errors! COULD IT BE??? Sorry, I'm impressed. I did notice two typos, but they were relatively harmless things. Satting for hours listening to the howling wind. ...

HA! Funny! Strangely enough, I also had an experience with a guy like Alex... but he worked in a night club and well... I didn't turn out too well. :P ...

Okay... I realize that "heaps" and "keeps" rhyme, but the metering is a little off. Kiss me babe, -- this is three syllables long. I love you heaps. -- this ...

Wait... who died? The friend or boyfriend? You say "he" in the first lines and keep repeating the "he." Not them, he. So... if both the friends died, then you ...

Eh... I've seen better poetry from you. Because I'm a grammarian at heart... ;) "And it’s clothes" should be "And its clothes." Why? Because the apostrophe indicates the contraction of ...

I think this part is a little clichéd: I cant afford for you to leave me I cant afford to lose my kiss from the only girl I will ever ...

Yay! I like short pithy poetry. It's really pretty when it's done well. :) I thought this line was a little strange: "And you must listen." You're talking about eyes, ...