Snoink

Ooooooooh... a work by BlueAfrica? I want! So, this one was almost realistic except for the fact that it was not nearly long enough. I don't know... little girls don't ...

Hahaha, I think you should stop talking with serious poetry if this is the sort of stuff that you come up with instead. It's quite delightful! It reminds me of ...

Hi Kafka! :D I like the second story better! It has more of an ironic feeling to it, which I kind of adore. The only thing that could possibly make ...

Hey Drecka! :D First of all, you'll want to run a spell check on this! There's a couple of errors in here. ;) Now, for the actual story commentary! :D ...

YAY! This is original and new and innovative and I kind of adore it. :) Just a couple of thoughts or first impressions... 1. I don't like the title. It's ...

Hi Amberla! :D It is short! But short doesn't have to be bad! Still, I have some ideas on how you can expand it... ;) For one, I am a ...

Hm... this may be just me, but I am pretty curious as to why this poem came out. It seems pretty confrontational (which I like!) and I am quite curious ...

It's short! ...Nah, don't worry, that wasn't all I was going to say! :D It's a good start, but I would like to see this expanded, if only because I ...

Hi Katie May! I think this might be really cool if we knew that she was dead from the onset. I mean, that would add the whole SHOCK factor and ...

Teehee! When I was thirteen, I was awful at placing commas too. :) With that, you'll definitely want to learn where to put commas and such! Anyway! What you're going ...

Hey MilkNCookies! :D Cute story! And a promising introduction besides. :) This reminds me of modern day children's books... and trust me, I love those, lol. Now! Just a couple ...

Right now, you need to figure out what is important about this poem and what isn't. You're throwing all these visual cues toward us as a somewhat hodgepodge of information, ...

You need to stress the conflict more to give this poem a little more interest. Right now, it seems very bare bones, which isn't altogether bad, but the problem is ...

Dante's Inferno is amazing. :) As far as your poem, it sounds a bit... plain? One of the things I would love to see is more graphic imagery. I mean, ...

I think the first two lines are strange with the rest of the poem. I don't quite like it. Either, I would try to integrate it into the poem more ...