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Re: Smokin' on Sesame Street (Part 1)
Hahaha... ooooooh dear. XD Anyway, just so you know, you don't have to censor your literary work! That is, we don't want you cussing in the regular forums, but you ...
Jul 19, 2010 -
Re: The tale of two stones
Teehee, you need to finish this fable, my dear Rocksmith! I would probably get rid of the introduction and dive right into the story! Unless, of course, you want to ...
Jul 19, 2010 -
Re: She's such a Drama Queen Chapter 1
Hey Alex! :D I feel sorry for Michelle! She's waaaaay too focused on looks. I mean, at a time where she should probably be worried about giving the speech, she's ...
Jul 19, 2010 -
Re: Countdown
Hey Gryphon! There is something magical about space exploration indeed! Anyway, I think, in this case, this was much too gimmicky for me to like it. I didn't like how ...
Jul 19, 2010 -
Re: alternate beginnings
Hey Adeera! I'm guessing that you want us to tell you which one we liked and why, so that's what I am going to do! :D First off, I liked ...
Jul 19, 2010 -
Re: My Heart Pumps Diesel
Hey Sunny! Welcome to YWS! :D First off, a typo! I could barely use a computer, let alone identify it's parts. The word "it's" should be "its". Also, I'm a ...
Jul 18, 2010 -
Re: Making Tea
This might sound weird, but at first I thought this was funny and then, as it continued on, it just seemed rather sad. I mean, the person seems absolutely crazy. ...
Jul 7, 2010 -
Re: mass-energy equivalence (co-written with Albert Einstein)
Mwha! More reason why science is poetry! But you already knew that. Anyway, when I first read this, I thought, "Huh?" because although I knew how to derive this, it ...
Jul 6, 2010 -
Re: A Butterfly.
Have I ever told you how much I love your avatar? The lads are HYPNOTIZING. And no, I am not going to critique everything you write just because of The ...
Jul 5, 2010 -
Re: Trapped
Yay! Welcome to YWS! :D Hmm... I agree with Esther! You'll want to spice this one up. One thing I would love to see, for example, is a description of ...
Jul 5, 2010 -
Re: Poachers
I kind of expected that ending, actually. :P My main comment would be the narrator... I don't know who the narrator is. It sounds like it is an encompassing nature ...
Jun 30, 2010 -
Re: xenophobia
Hey originalhobbit! First of all, you might want to check for typos again... there's one in the first line which is a bit glaring. ;) Now! For your poem! One ...
Jun 29, 2010 -
Re: One Fifteen
Hey Lilicia! :D I like the idea! I would like a little more depth though... a lot of things can happen in a minute! :o One way which you can ...
Jun 28, 2010 -
Re: Happily Ever After...maybe
Hahahaha.... I kind of adore Chloe and her maniac nature. XD I think you could possibly make this better by describing Chloe and your narrator a bit better in the ...
Jun 28, 2010 -
Re: Mist. Mysterious. Mystical. (Chapter 2)
Dun dun dunnnnn! Just a comment... he would totally smell the smell of rotting flesh before he spotted the person. I don't know if you've ever smelled something rot before? ...
Jun 28, 2010
