Snoink

Woo! First poem! :D Right now, it looks like you keep on repeating the same thing over again... the real me vs. the perceived me. An interesting idea... but I ...

That sheep must be the leader. XD I might be mistaken, but don't sheep use their hooves when attacking? So maybe you can add that IF that even happens. If ...

Okay! So I noticed you had posted your second chapter, so I figured I would comment on this and then the second chapter, lol. I don't like the dream sequence. ...

Hey AutumnSun! :D Just one short comment! Basically, I think this poem can be broken up into two parts -- the part where they are in love and the part ...

Hey retrodisco! :D First of all, the storyline of this poem seems a little confused. In the first two stanzas, he seems to be alive and only contemplating his death, ...

I like the last line! :D I think, for the most part, this poem resembled more of a brainstorming session than an actual poem, if that makes sense. I mean, ...

Hey Captian! :D The repetition here is... well... repetitious! First of all, you keep on repeating "Sometimes I feel" (with an exception of two lines) and then you have another ...

Hey Harmony! First off, the repetition of "I carry" is rather... well... repetitious! I would like to see more done with this. You don't have to repeat everything like this. ...

Woo! Neat metaphor! :) First of all, I like the story in this poem and the metaphor that surrounds it! It's neat... I typically don't see any metaphors used by ...

Oy, yes, grammar is an issue in your writing seeing as you can't capitalize you I's in your comment. Very sloppy! XD Anyway, your poem! :) There's a couple of ...

Hey AutumnSun! I kind of like this, in that we get to see her reactions as she does this. What can I say? I love reactions! but I also kind ...

Hey fixed! :D Right now, it's a little odd because you start off with your friend considering suicide and then you go on about the narrator being typical... it just ...

Hey Katherine! :D I like how, in your poem, you combined both your thoughts with physical actions... we know that it is embarrassing when he ignores you and we can ...

Hey Lindabelle! A very beautiful name... literally! ;) First of all, when you wrote "Hey Jude"? That was pretty much the most awesome thing ever. :) My main advice would ...

Hey Tigger! And yes, that is my nickname for you. :P One thing I would really like is to see some sort of conclusion here. I mean, you have all ...