Squall

Hrmm I quite liked your descriptions in this chapter. I can see the characters quite clearly. Lacks some scenary descriptions though. Nothing really much happened too. It seems a bit ...

Hi there. I don't really like army/war kind of stuff. But the way you've written it, I read it word by word. For a strange reason, I'm somewhat interested in ...

I actually quite like this. There was a good combination of description and I like the feelings you conveyed of the character. For a bar in the city, you described ...

Hi Amanda, remember me? lol Anyways, onto my crit. I noticed you've repeated some thoughts of the girl several times in the piece. It kinda put me off a bit. ...

I didn't get scared by this (happens when you've been desensatized by video games lol). However I thought it was quite interesting and original. The way you worded the story ...

The second one was better. I wasn't pwned by info dumps like the first one did to me (ouchies) The background can be expanded on. That is, add some descriptions ...

Hi guys. This is my first attempts at wrting a theme song for a character. I started developing a liking for my current main character so I thought I should ...

I like riverlight. Seems quite upbeat and nice descriptions. Like to hear it in music form though lol.

Hrmm interesting. Guild wars. I heard it is a good MMORPG. Might try it out sometime. First of all. Spacing please!! I nearly had to use eye drops (not really ...

Hrmm I realized in some bits there was more telling than showing. For example: She leant over and kissed him with such passion he was shocked he felt tears coming ...

Hrmm it's quite short for a chapter. Didn't really tell me much besides the fact that the mirror is dangerous and they are a couple. Expand more on the situation ...

Thanks. I'm trying to make this as uncliched as possible, so there wont be any garlic. Crosses and holy water though, but only as torture. ;D. I noticed that I ...

Hi JCobsesed, remember me? lol I quite liked the perspective that you wrote the vampire in. The ideas she portrayed I believe were quite intruging. However, I had two problems ...

Hrmm it was good but confusing at the same time. The conversation kinda threw me off a bit. Maybe because there was a bit of a lack of scenary description ...

Chapter I: The Season of the Pikara Pikara bounced down the street of the seaside town, which lay nestled at the foot of a mountain. She was worried. If she ...