StoryWeaver13

The thing that bothers me is...I was waiting for that "wow" factor the whole time. Like I was expecting something exciting to happen. There was also too much dialogue, I ...

As the person above me said, if felt like you were too focused on finding a rhymne and not enough on really capturing that emotion. I'll also agree that the ...

This is MY idea of maturity! Soon as I heard this, I thought "Oh, THIS is probably gonna be interesting... :lol: " First, the "fun" stuff. "roll play" should be ...

Aww, darn, when it comes to picking on you these guys beat me to it...just kidding. :P Since they've already given you a ton of critiques, I won't do any ...

This is so cute, I feel like I'm looking back at a chlidhood memory reading this! :lol: Now, a little critiques... With a hat and carrot nose, that suit him ...

Yay I love reviewing, so here goes... Just like every night, something would disturb the silence. I'd known my house was haunted since I was three. Scary, the exact same ...

I liked it, especially this line-- The solitude makes you feel complete. I don't know why, I just love the line. It was really relateable for me, I guess. *sighh* ...

Please, please don't take this personally...but this is kinda cliche. You had a couple of little mistakes and things that you could probably fix a little bit more, but nothing ...

Short, but interesting. There was something about your wording that seemed very meticulous to me, and I liked your comparisons and such. Although the "two worlds" thing is quite a ...

Like was already mentioned, just a little too vague and undescriptive. The rhyme scheme seemed slightly forced too. Still, I think there's potential in this. Keep writing. :wink:

Haha, this is a funny little poem - the thing I love about poetry is that as long as you can understand what it says, grammar can be tossed out ...

I kind of agree with Fan in most respects that have to do with this piece...it's too much telling, not enough thought or perspective. We got a quick view of ...

Grammar, grammar, grammar!!! Sorry, but I've got to put some emphasis on this. :) Sounds like it could be an interesting plot, just keep working on it and KEEP WRITING.

This is a decent poem, just a few suggestions. but now, you're pale, as white as a dove. Take away the comma after now. I wish I could tell you ...

Cool, cool, cool. You said you're interested in publishing it? I think newspapers and magazines will sometimes take in short stories and stuff, particularly if you find some sort of ...