Swires

Ive never been a science man anyway lol.

Hi, I am new too. My name is Lucy, and I like WAY to many authors, it is hard to name them. Some books I really like are, Eragon, The ...

What is this senseless bull? Nothing made sense, all the punctuation was in a foreign style to the average reader and the speech... well its awful. What were you trying ...

The title is spelt wrongly: Diamond not Dimond. This is riddles with errors, read it aloud and correct them as you go. Also change things that do not sound right. ...

I liked how you started it in the middle of a conversation of the Aged. But what were the character's motives for visiting the Aged? What is the Aged's status ...

Ok, You will have to forgive me as I am going to critique chapter 10 without reading the other stuff as I am new to the world of Gypsie's eyes ...

I would like to do an in depth critique of your work like you may have seen me do to others. I feel horrible that I cant when you have ...

A young, frail looking man was laying in his bed tossing and turning. He was thinking to himself. He just couldn't settle his mind. "What is wrong with me? I ...

Space your paragraphs please. One thing I notice before the actual story is the title. The title isn't a grabber and seems rather vague and fantastical. Maybe a new title ...

Thanks everyone for the critique of part 2. Ive amended and reposted the work. Also, anyone else wanting to read and leave a bit of feedback is welcome to.

Esquire is a beautiful word.

lol. I am on Chapter 5 of the Fellowship, I hate it because of its sluggish, clogged up, overloaded prose with useless back history leaking into the story at every ...

I prefer the first one, the sketchiness includes so much more detail.

Phorcys, The Modern Prometheus ...A random title for a random guy. It appears that I havnt really got a topic where I explain who I am and what I'm for ...

Part 2 posted.