Swires

Ok. There is a big, big flaw with your writing for me. You are telling rather than showing. Let me explain. You say - " Instead I fell through the ...

The feeling is here in this poem, as well as the passion. What is lacking is the composition. You need to filter through your passion through a greater complexity of ...

Coffee Stain On the roads, I pass by them and they glance, look me over, and I don't have a chance to hide that muddy cloud, that bleary mark of ...

Through death and destruction the feud continues. I disagree with Shina, I like this kind of opening. Short and catchy. It’s almost funny. Through death and destruction the feud continues. ...

Scratch that first paragraph. It is in many ways unnecessary and to a large extent, a cliché. As for the style, I can see this being controversial. You are writing ...

Even the usually poker-faced and calm newsreader looked terrified. Her heart-shaped face, although liberally applied with make-up, was ashen-grey and pearly with sweat; her eyes, with mascara applied

He listened to her footsteps echo through the school’s empty halls. They grew louder by the second. Showtime. A fit of violent coughs escaped him and rocked his body. He ...

Why do we do what we do, the way we do it? ##The opener is poor and little bit jarred. This universal feather becomes almost dead to us. ##I do ...

theres ink in my blood and my heart doesnt know my minds full of thoughts ## "minds" should be "mind" since a long time ago my keyboard is bloody my ...

Wonderful. Wonderful. WONDERFUL novel. I think Atticus is probably one of the greatest characters in literature. A cross-section of racial history interwoven with a journey into adulthood. Lightning p

Yep, just read the first part and I like it. Its kind of an American-street version of Terry Pratchett (Yet its too far apart to be compared to). Watch the ...

I thought you had reached a point in "In Thrall" where the story would not progress (as we discussed). However you just proved me wrong. We have reached yet another ...

Hi Gyrfalcon, I too am suffering from a lack of critiques and It demoralises me because I start to doubt my work. Anyway. Yes, another fine instalment yet so many ...

I'm actually not a fan of the style at all. I think in modern fantasy novels you really need to zoom in with your characters. Even in worlds of magic ...

Yes, very funny. Fantastic-Comedy is a very hard genre, you seem to parody it well in the extracts shown. I'd like to see a longer chronological extract. Its very difficult ...