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TakeThatYouFiend

TakeThatYouFiend

  • Other » Realistic, Other Re: Okay, I'm going to be honest to the nerds out there

    I know what you mean. My list of sports is -Bumblepuppy (know to you earthlings by the brand name swingball) -and Morris and Clog dancing. Thats it. Anyway I hope ...

    May 27, 2014
  • Poetry » Dramatic, Realistic Re: Impact

    Greetings! I am not a fan of structured writing, but I think in this case it was appropriate due to the subtle way this comes across, this helps transfer the ...

    May 21, 2014
  • Script » Literature, Humor Re: The Realest Phony of Them All.

    Greetings! I hated both the works that this was based off, but this was really good! I really liked the way Holden was so annoyed about being called "old sport" ...

    May 20, 2014
  • Poetry » Dramatic, Spiritual Re: The song of the elements

    Good morning/evening/afternoon/night! First off l would like to point out what I think to be a minor spelling error. You put "endin" when you meant "ending". Remember to re-read several ...

    May 15, 2014
  • Poetry » Narrative, General Re: Torment

    It was good, but there are still a couple of little hitches in the rhythm that need to be ironed out. I don't like you starting a line with "and ...

    May 15, 2014
  • Poetry » General, Spiritual Re: The Dark Night

    Very interesting Mr. Bond. Normally I dislike a lack of punctuation but here I see that their is reasoning; it is so because that helps emphasize the confusion of your ...

    May 14, 2014
  • Poetry » Realistic, General Re: As She Passed

    Very nice, but there are a couple of snags methinks. Firstly, the rhythm in the last verse is a little off. The second last line sounds wrong, as if it ...

    May 14, 2014
  • Poetry » Other, Fantasy Re: A Dryad's Lament

    Right, this was great, but I gotta get this bug bear out of my hair. You have rhymed Thousand with Thousand, and this kinda irritated me, sort of breaking up ...

    May 14, 2014
  • Poetry » Realistic, General Re: Freak Show

    At first I guessed that, from the title, this was going to be one whole metaphor, yet now I see it is a whole lot more subtle than that. The ...

    May 14, 2014
  • Poetry » Science, Dramatic Re: Quiet to Explosive

    There are some bits here that are rather nice, yet still others bits that I feel that you really could improve on. Like 781228 I think a few features to ...

    May 14, 2014
  • Poetry » General, Dramatic Re: Sitting Alone

    Hi there! First off, I really admire the formatting, although some may call it basic I think it's pretty nice :-) Secondly, as null says below me, figurative language, would ...

    May 14, 2014
  • Poetry » Lyrical, Other Re: Watch Me.

    I must say I am glad to find another poet whose portfolio isn't littered with depression and suicide. The punctuation as ever, needs a little work. The ending is again ...

    May 14, 2014
  • Poetry » Lyrical, Realistic Re: Life's Secret

    Pretty good, I think punctuation is still an issue, but I won't go on about it. Firstly off, stanzlify it. It isn't any sort of rhythmic problem or anything like ...

    May 14, 2014
  • Poetry » Romantic, Lyrical Re: Dancing

    Brilliant. I am a Christian Dancer so this worked well on me. First of, I love it's lyricfulness. I heard this piece to the folk tune "Lord of the Dance", ...

    May 14, 2014
  • Poetry » Romantic, Realistic Re: It is strange what can be said in just one syllable.

    This kinda opens up debate on the whole short vs. long poems thing, and you make some good points here. Just a few points, firstly I think you could have ...

    May 14, 2014


By the sweat of your brow you will eat your food until you return to the ground, since from it you were taken; for dust you are and to dust you will return.
— Genesis 3:19