Tres*Chic

Hi! I think this is a good start and you should definatley post more! I like the first sentence - some people think you should never start with dialogue but ...

I really enjoyed reading this, koromone. For your first story I think you've made it really dramatic and exciting in the first paragraph and the description sets the scene well. ...

I like the story idea so far but I agree that it could be improved. First of all, watch the spelling and grammar. People will enjoy your story much more ...