Twit

Asher peered tentatively out the hole and quickly pulled back as the british troops marched by. Capitalise, as it’s a name. Asher's green eyes snapped open. He shook his long, ...

O Hai Thar. :D First off, you should review other people’s works before submitting any of your own. Second, even if you wrote something very quickly, it’s only polite to ...

Hai! I don't know that much about poetry, but from what I've gathered from those better and wiser than I is that it generally has meaning and symbolism and stuff. ...

A javelin rocket flashed past him and finsihed them off as their remains had began to reteach themselves. Finsihed = finished. And what’s reteach? "Aren't they beautiful?" he whispered, his ...

Hai! The sun, bright in all it’s afternoon glory, reflected off of the turquoise-blue sea, while thick puffy clouds marched along overhead. This means “it is”. You need “its” without ...

Hai! Firstly try to refrain from swearing outside of literary works. And by “try to refrain from”, I mean don’t do it. :P Although I did like this – it ...

3/10 Too melodramatic. "She was lost" is very blunt, and I'd prefer a little more subtlety. The ellipsis and "but the worst part of it was" is too cliche and ...

Like a crazy cowgirl who really is crazy -- kind of like Kissing Kate Barlow.

Stonehenge

Hai! Okay, this was weird. :mrgreen: I don't know what the rules for writing this was, but it would help if you made this so it's understandable for an outsider ...

Hi and welcome to YWS! I see that you’re new; it’s part of the Rules that every member must do at least two reviews before posting any of their own ...

7/10 Points for the lol and the purty colours.

Hai! Whispers and other sounds surrounded her. The crackling of fire, shrieking, and my own heavy breathing. It might be better if you combined these two sentences, as when I ...

Hai! I didn't like this that much, but that's because of the subject, not your writing. However, it is kind of that. Rape is such a terrible thing -- it's ...

Hai! Twit here, emerging from years of hibernation to finally crit something. Be flattered. Be very flattered. :mrgreen: Dakota 1 – White Winter I’m not sure why you have this ...