bkwrm

It's great - I was hooked immediately and now I'm intrigued. I desperately wnat to know what happens next, which is a testament to your skills as a writer. One ...

I've changed the line aout the sea's salty smell. Is it better now? Bkwrm

I totally agree. Burp sounds wrong, but I don't have any suggestions as to what you could put in its place.

Love it, love it love it! Only one thing - Untainted, uncorrupt should it be uncorrupt ed ? Just a suggestion. Anyway keep it up, you're doing good. Bkwrm

I love the way you've done this. It really works. I'm off to sign your guest book now, Bkwrm.

Thanks for your comments. Maybe I'll get around to checking punctuation sometime soon! Bkwrm

I like it! You've really summed up bonfire night - well done! I really like the use of the word exhilerating. Keep it up, bkwrm :D

I quite like this even though it doesn't really flow as well as it could. Love the reference to R+J -I thought of them immediately Bkwrm

It's good! You've really summed up how it feels. You might want to check it over though - what's 'shack' supposed to mean? Like it anyway - Bkwrm

Your characters need developing. They've got no depth - they're not real enough. Other than that and all the typoes, it's pretty good. Bkwrm